Pleading for Aid, Waiting for Deliverance

I guess I don't know if I am posting this here so it won't be noticed or because it really does fit in with Joseph, but I have to let this one out.

I don't know what to do. I have applied all the knowledge, tools and inspiration I have and still do not see the answer nor the next step. Everything in front of me looks as bleak as anything from behind and I am finally scared that I won't be able to make it.

Don't worry, this isn't a suicide message - just my feelings on how life is going right now. I feel confused and nearly alone. If it wasn't for the priesthood and my family I would feel completely alone. Nevertheless I am almost left to cry "My God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

Isn't that how Joseph felt, I suppose, while in prison and on the way to Egypt? The trip to Egypt must have been hard. He didn't know the people nor what lay ahead and once he was there he had to forge a new life on his own (with God's help). He worked so hard and so long to become Potiphar's head of house that he must have taken some pride in that accomplishment and felt he was on the way to where he needed to be.

Then Potiphar's wife got involved. She pursued him and called to him and beckoned to him. He was a man and so must have felt longings for affection - especially away from home and so young. Yet he did what he felt was right in the sight of God and spent nearly the next decade in a jail cell. How hard it must have seemed for him. Surely he was a man of God and prayed and put his faith in his maker, but I do not doubt he had his dark moment - his second or two of hopelessness. He just lost everything he had been working for and more in the bat of an eye.

Yet, it wasn't over. His trial did not end for years, to be certain, but their came a day when the prison doors were opened and the treasures of Egypt - including a wife, children, food, power, wealth, his family - became his. He spent his time in jail doing, again, what he felt was right. He treated others fairly and with kindness (winning over the guards) and his influence was felt by Pharaoh's servants in the interpretation of their dreams. He came out on top. It all worked out. It still, will all work out.

I guess I am just at the point of the story where everything is super hard and no one seems to be coming to my aid. I don't know if I've encountered my "butler" who'll open up the world for me or if I am still waiting for even that. I am reminded of the song from the musical "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat," where he sings:

Close every door to me

Keep those I love from me

Children of Israel

Are never alone

For we know we shall find

Our own piece of mind

For we have been promised

A land of our own

I know things have a bright future on the horizon. I have been promised such a "land" to come. Even though I feel alone and scared and unsure of the future, I know the God in whom I have trusted. He will not leave to suffer in darkness needlessly nor forever. He will come to my aid.

Forgive my doubts Lord, for I am but a man. I know in time I shall be more like thee and ask that thy infinite patience might abide with me a while longer. Teach me, guide me and show me the way to be as your Only Begotten. I will trust in you.

Charity - Marvin J Ashton Quote

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other," (Marvin J Ashton, April Conference, 1992).

I found this quote among my missionary stuff while sorting and cleaning it out yesterday. It just struck me as a fantastic insight into charity and also Joseph. He never acted other than this way. He expected his brothers to behave uprightly, Potipher's wife to act appropriately, the butler to get him out and his brothers to have changed. Although the world may see his charity as having caused him so much grief through those people, I see that he gained everything in this world and the world to come because of it. He was truly blessed for his adaptation of charity into his life.

Uncertainty

I was sitting and thinking about what is going on in my life right now. I had to quit my job of 3 1/2 years to focus on school, my car broke down (again) and I have no answers on what to do. Currently I am at a loss as to what and when for anything involving money and vehicles. While trying to find parts to fix my computer I logged into my blogs and saw this one. The thought occurred to me: How is this like Joseph?

Joseph lived as the favorite son in his father's large family until he was 17 years old. Suddenly adulthood was thrust upon him by the actions of his wicked brothers. For the next 13 years his life was full of uncertainty. He climbed the ladder of success in Potiphar's house only to be thrown down further than where he started. Again in the prison he worked his way up in the hearts of his captors and inmates, but when his seemingly lucky break came with the butler's dream he was left to himself for two more years without even a postcard.

That man was a model of truth and light. While waiting for his deliverance he worked and prayed and did his best to be an example of his faith. Never do we hear him complain or belittle his circumstances. He simply continues plugging along with a resolve most men today only dream of.

Truly we need to remember that one being is in charge of it all. He lives and loves us and will bless us according to our faith and diligence. Uncertainty is just part of our process of learning.